Carmel Farrell wondered who she was for much of her life until she and her daughter started work on their family tree, ultimately leading to an emotional journey back to her homelands.
My name is Carmel Farrell, born in Meanjin – Brisbane – in 1946 as Carmel Hendrick (and, after adoption, Carmel Sutton). I now know that I am a strong, resilient Guwamu/Kooma woman from Bollon, walking in the tracks of my ancestors, linked back to great grandmother Lucy Sheridan and Nana Emily Foster.
My journey has never been easy, it has been a painful and at times tormented path, that has taken me many years to be able to share and find peace. My children are my family, my mob, and it is through them that I have found love, courage and pride in myself. This experience has finally allowed me to tell my story, and to really feel at home with my Mob, People Country – it has taken me nine months to be able to put this reflection together due to the deep emotions that are stirred.
From a very young age I wondered where I came from but I grew up in a complex family dynamic which made it challenging to ask questions and learn about who I am. I knew I was different to the rest of my family, my step siblings had very white skin, where mine was dark. When I was 12 years old, I found adoption papers in my parents room stating that I was adopted by my stepfather and mother. Asking my mother about my adoption didn’t go well so I decided to not ask any questions until I had my own money to purchase official birth certificates. I have faint recollections of Nana Emily visiting with Aunty Phyllis and cousins Merv and Sandra when I was a very young child living with my maternal grandmother. We played and yarned and shared much love. They were always dressed in their Sunday best clothes, including hat and gloves. But eventually these visits became less and less as I was moved back home to my mother to help care for younger new siblings. Last time I saw Merv and my biological father Fred Henrick was at Uncle Albert’s funeral. Life was hard for us all, living on a rural block in Capalaba, Brisbane. Living conditions were harsh with mud floors, open slab style house with potato sacks as window coverings. But it was particularly difficult as a dark skinned daughter, with white brothers and sisters, living with a tormented, violent WWII ex-serviceman as my stepfather.
I have been married twice over my long years, trying to find family, happiness and love. Firstly, at the age of 16 years, to Lou Farrell, an Ipswich-born older man who was also from a difficult family background. I have seven children – Wayne, Michael, David, Peter, Sharon, Jonathon and adopted son, Darren Gardiner. I then remarried for 12 years to Don Michell, the son of a Lightning Ridge sheep farmer. My children were dark skinned and have always identified, just never knew the family background details. We were surrounded by an extended mob of family friends and got on with life to survive. My children always faced harsh racism through school and life, and we tried to find peace with the horrible ‘imposter syndrome’ where you know you are black but do not know your Cultural Heritage, language, and history. You find it difficult to be able to express yourself through your Culture as you have been removed and segregated from your People and your Country.
Fast forward to 2017, my daughter Sharon helped me create a family tree to finally find some truth about me and my family’s identity. At first, we used Ancestory.com to establish the family tree which dated back five generations. From there, we contacted Link-Up (Qld) and they filled in all the gaps and led us back to country. My great grandmother is Lucy Sheridan, born around 1865 in Goodooga area and settled with John Foster in Bollon. She had eight children, including Emily, who was removed to a Brisbane women’s orphanage at a very young age. Elder Cheryl Buchanan had a yarn to us about our family tree and connections and explained the extended family tree. She welcomed us with open arms and suggested a trip out to Cunnamulla and Murra Murra Station.
In July 2023, Link-Up (Qld) took my daughter Sharon and myself, accompanied by my grandson Lindsay (who drove out) to Cunnamulla, where we had the opportunity to meet Uncles, Aunties and Cousins. On our first morning we were greeted by a massive flock of gallahs, Major Mitchell’s and cockatoos waking us up by sunrise, next to the Cunnamulla Hotel. I felt very at home seeing Slim Dusty sitting outside in the historic park (even if he was a statue). We scouted around the town and took in the landscape through the old back camp and river areas, which highlighted the abhorrent conditions that our Peoples lived through. Quandong trees, scar trees, grasses, flints and bush tucker sources were in plentiful evidence throughout Country, which reminded us that my grandmother, Emily Foster, and real families and children were living off that land. We met Uncle Jeff Drury on Murra Murra station and he took us on a big adventure on Country, showing us the land, the stories and our connection.
Learning about what my People, my grandmother, went through in the stolen generation out on Country broke my heart. When I was out on Country, I finally felt at as though I belonged. I felt at peace, safe and calm. Sharon, Lindsay and I felt welcome and we were overwhelmed by the generosity and humility that everyone showed us. People came especially into town to meet us and make us feel welcome. Lindsay yarned up with Uncle Bill Speedy and his family in Bollon and connected with Country in a deep emotional way. A beautiful brother-cousin shared tales and said, “I’ve got an Aunty at home, she looks exactly like you”, this made me very emotional as I felt like I truly belonged.
Overall, the experience of being on Country was absolutely beautiful. Making connections to family, the land and my ancestors is something I will treasure forever. We will be heading back out this year to further these connections. A big thank you to Link-Up (Qld), especially Christine and Latia, who worked with us right through our journey to Cunnamulla – they were wonderful company to have.
Thank you to Lindsay and Sharon for your willingness and openness on our journey for identity, your support has allowed me to be open to learning about who I am and where I belong.
Published 9 September 2024.
